Some time ago, I’ve been told that I’m basically a beggar – which is definitely true, of course. The thought remained with me, and evolved from slight horror (after all, I’m not a saint, so my pride is still kicking), to pure delight. I’ve realised again how beautiful and exciting one’s life becomes once you place it all in Christ’s hands. Without Christ, I couldn’t have met all the wonderful-beyond-reason people I’ve talked to this last year; without Christ, I could never have seen and prayed in so many holy places. Most importantly, without Christ and without having abandoned my life to Him, I would have missed all the great gifts He’s blessed me with ever since. Everything changed; all boundaries to love have fallen. I know now that Christ is present everywhere and in everyone. I know now, with a different sort of knowledge, that the Church is the Mother of all creation. I know now that Christ is not restricted to the material walls of my monastery and my cell, nor to the immaterial walls of a set of rules and regulations. There is so much beauty in this world, there is so much holiness in each person – I had forgotten that, and Christ reminded me of it.
I am a beggar indeed. I am Christ’s beggar, and I’m very proud of it! If anything, this is the only thing I take pride in: I belong to Christ, and I am His beggar. Funnily enough, I’m not alone in this: I belong to a long and great tradition of beggars, going all the way back to the Lord’s Apostles.
I am also a very similar to a snail; I carry my home on my back. I carry my home, my life, my Christ on my back all the time, from one place to another. I have no home, and yet I’m at home everywhere. I’ve never felt so exposed and fragile, so unsafe and so open to hurt. And yet, I’ve never been happier, more at peace or more loved as I have since I’ve placed everything in Christ’s hands and I’ve become His beggar.
May it all be blessed. May it be that, as I work for this monastery, I also find my salvation. And may we all look back one day (from this life or the next) and rejoice seeing all the people who are working their own salvation in this monastery we are founding together: step by step, little by little, soul by soul.